


Keep on Dancing

by taishige



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, TOKIO
Genre: Complicated Relationships, Downward descent into darkness, Drunken Shenanigans, Leader the flower lady, M/M, Nagase has a speaking problem, Nagase is immature, Snarky everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-23
Updated: 2013-06-23
Packaged: 2017-12-15 21:29:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/854253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taishige/pseuds/taishige
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which strange bonds between bandmates are made and the youngest member of TOKIO grows up just a little bit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keep on Dancing

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [](http://senpai-exchange.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://senpai-exchange.livejournal.com/)**senpai_exchange**! It... turned out much different than I'd planned even before I started writing it and even more as I _was_ writing it, so basically I don't really know what to say about it besides I'm glad that my recipient at least told me she still liked it. XD;;

When it happened, they were both drunk and tired and out of it.

It sounds like the opening sentence to a one-night stand. And you'd almost think this was correct from the way the scene played out at first. Nagase had his shirt half-falling off his shoulders and his belt undone, sprawled across the bed and laughing, laughing so hard he thought he was going to die. And Joshima had his own pants off and was curled up inside his shirt like a little worm, rolling around on the other side of the bed with one hand out and pointing towards his companion as he insisted that it had been _Nagase_ who'd said it, not _him_ , but what exactly this referred to was unclear.

No matter though, because Nagase wasn't up to denying whatever it was anymore and simply slithered quite ungracefully up to the pillows so he could smother his face in them with a long sigh.

"Leader..."

There was a muffled response, as Joshima himself had somehow become so entangled in his shirt that he was now some sort of mangled lump sitting on the sheets.

"I can't understand you." Nagase himself wasn't all that easy to make out at this point, as his face was still, in fact, pushed into the pillows. It helped that he tended to have the voice of a grizzly anyway, but even moreso when he was drunk and things like "inside voice" made no sense to him anymore.

"Whaaaaaat...?" Came the voice from the shirt, slightly louder and more pronounced this time.

Nagase grunted. "I feel mildly ill." And then he giggled because he hadn't meant to make it come out so sophisticated.

"'Cuz you drank like five beers..."

Another giggle.

Which made Joshima start laughing again.

"Leader, you're not wearing any pants."

The messy pile that was Joshima shifted on the bed until it flopped backwards and his head finally became visible again. "I lost them..."

"Pants are so tricky like that."

"They are..."

"Are we at your place?"

It was silent a moment. Nagase's eyebrows were furrowed together. "...yes."

"I don't remember."

"I don't either."

"This isn't _my_ place."

Nagase sat up with a little shrug, blinking sluggishly. He glanced around the room, dark because neither one of them had bothered to turn the light on, which meant the only light was the one far off in the entryway in the other room.

Yes, it was his place.

He grunted again.

"Leader..."

"Whaaaaaaat...?"

"Get your lazy ass over here."

The lump didn't move. "No."

"I'm lonely and cold and I need cuddles."

"No."

Nagase narrowed his eyes in annoyance and finally lugged his own lazy ass up enough that he could grab hold of the now squirming lump that was his leader. "Get... over... _here_..." Joshima started kicking his legs out fruitlessly as Nagase dragged him by his armpits until both of them fell quite unceremoniously back on the pillows.

Nagase squished the smaller man against himself in a giant bear-hug.

"Air, Tomoya... I need air..." Joshima's arms grappled with Nagase's arms until the grip was finally loosened. Nagase rubbed his face against the top of Joshima's head.

"Sleepy..."

"You're a little shit."

"You're an old wrinkly turd."

Joshima was too weary by this point to take any real offense to the comment. His breathing had slowed down considerably and he'd now taken to pushing his face against Nagase's chest, warm inside the fabric of his shirt.

"Leader..."

"Mmn?"

"I think I like Gussan."

"I like him too..."

Nagase was absent-mindedly curling a lock of Joshima's hair around and around and around his finger. "No, I mean... like-like..."

"Eh?" Joshima lifted his face up so that he could see Nagase's.

Nagase just grinned in embarrassment and started rustling Joshima's hair until it turned into a huge staticy mess. Joshima promptly whined and attempted to escape to no avail.

Once they'd finally settled down again, Nagase'd decided to lug Joshima up on top of him and now had his hands clasped happily around his waist and was staring blankly up at the ceiling.

It was a good five minutes or so before he spoke again.

"But no, I really mean it."

"That's pretty gay, Nagase..."

"M'not _gay_ , I just..."

Neither one knew exactly what to say at this point.

Nagase would probably have felt extremely awkward and embarrassed were he not two sheets to the wind. As it was, he only felt _slightly_ embarrassed.

"...I mean... don't you ever, I mean..."

Joshima was staring at his hand that was currently curled up next to his face on Nagase's chest, but glanced up when it appeared Nagase was searching for some kind of answer.

"...ever what?"

At this point, even the effect of the alcohol couldn't keep Nagase from going slightly red. And right now it also wasn't helping him collect his thoughts into something comprehensible.

"...ever... I mean... get feelings... like that..."

Joshima got quiet. Really quiet. He didn't say anything for a few minutes, and Nagase thought he might have gone to sleep in his drunken stupor. He moved a hand up to his head and gave his hair another rustle, to which Joshima lifted his chin so he could see he was still awake.

And then, in the tiniest voice imaginable: "...those are the only kinds of feelings I get."

It took Nagase a second to wrap his mind around exactly what this statement meant, and when finally it clicked into place his eyes grew wide and both his hands instinctively left the other's body.

"Wait, so you're...?"

"W-what's that reaction? You're the one here telling me you wanna bang Yamaguchi!" Joshima was up on his hands now.

"I never said I wanted to bang him!"

"Well... that you like him..."

"I-I know, but... I mean, that's, uh... that's normal, right? And I still dig chicks. I love boobs!" Nagase was waving his hands in front of him. "I get off on Playboys all the time! I just... well, I like Gussan too..."

Joshima's face was fairly red by this point as well. He looked away in embarrassment, jaw locked.

Nagase moved his mouth up and down. "So... so then you're...?"

"I'm not! I didn't say anything. Just forget it." Joshima was up and moving away and to the end of the bed, arms crossed in front of him and his shoulders hunched.

Which brought an instant pout of horror to Nagase's face. "Leader, I didn't mean... don't do thaaaaaat..." He got up on his knees, wobbling slightly as his head spun, but finally able to regain his balance.

Joshima didn't say anything else, a rigid board balanced precariously on the edge of the bed.

Nagase was at a loss. He looked to his left. He looked to his right. He slumped a bit, chewing on the inside of his cheek. And here he'd thought he'd been doing so well in getting close to his bandleader. In finally pushing past that awkward stage where he didn't know if he should speak in polite or casual language. In being able to mess around with him the same way he did the other three guys. Taichi'd certainly been right - alcohol and snuggling certainly did the trick. But now he was back in the negatives on the scale of his relationship with Joshima.

Though he couldn't help but think that it wasn't _his_ fault said bandleader had to abruptly confess things like being _gay_. Nagase'd thought talking about his recently-formed crush on Tatsuya would make the other man laugh at him more than anything else. Of course it wasn't at _all_ because he'd just really, really needed to tell someone about it because he'd been keeping it bottled up for the last couple of months now.

"Leader..."

Still no response.

"I-I mean, it's ok, I don't mind, really..." He tried to laugh it off, but when the laugh wasn't echoed in his companion, it trailed off. "I mean, the fact that I like Gussan, I mean, it still makes me a little, well... you know..."

"A little _what_?"

Nagase grimaced. "A little..." He took a deep breath before letting it out, arching his back in a weird position. "...gay." Almost as soon as he said it, his hands were up, trying to wave it away. "But, I mean... I still mainly like chicks. Like... I don't wanna bang you or anything, it's ok!"

This apparently didn't help as Joshima just shrank even smaller.

"Agh... but like... I mean, we can totally still cuddle... we can, we can snuggle, you're really snuggly and, and..."

It was silent again.

Each minute that passed was another nail in the coffin destroying his and Joshima's relationship.

Nagase wanted to shoot himself in the mouth.

And then suddenly, Joshima _did_ speak up.

"...you like Yamaguchi?"

He said it without even turning around.

Nagase chewed on his lip, unsure at first. And finally: "Well... yeah..."

"You said you _like_ -like him?"

"...yeah..."

Joshima finally turned around, eyes still narrowed. "But you don't wanna bang him?"

Nagase backed up slightly at the accusation. "Well, I mean... stop looking at me like that!"

Joshima crossed his arms. "It's just a question."

Scowling off to the side as the embarrassment from earlier began to drift back, Nagase hunched his shoulders. "I've never slept with a dude, what do you expect? I've only got experience with chicks. I wouldn't know where to start."

At this Joshima raised an eyebrow. "So, if you did, you would?"

Nagase pursed his lips together uncomfortably. "Well..."

Joshima crawled back over, wavering a bit in his drunken state, but ultimately making it safely and promptly pulling himself up into Nagase's lap. "Ok, let's fuck..."

He said it like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Nagase's eyes bulged out of his head.

"Whoa. Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. _Whoa_." His hands were to Joshima's arms instantly, holding him back. "This is, this is, uh... just..."

Joshima simply looked up at him in bemusement. "I'll teach you how and then you can go fuck around with Yamaguchi all you want."

"Leader, this is weird." Nagase was beginning to regret he'd even brought up the Tatsuya thing at all. Sure he'd jump at the chance of screwing around with their band's bassist, but he was _not_ about to start fucking around with a whole bunch of other guys as well. Then he really _would_ be gay, and that was just not right. He needed some good, dirty, _female_ porn right about now, that was what he needed.

Joshima continued to sway a little in Nagase's grip, still speaking in a completely sensical tone of voice. "It's not like it means anything... we're drunk anyway, it doesn't matter."

Nagase pursed his lips, grip just slightly loosened. His already not-too-smart-when-it-came-to-these-kinds-of-things mind was working overtime to try and figure out what was right from wrong. "Yeah, but then things'll be weird... between us..."

"Nah, plenty of guys have fucked me, it's no big deal to me..." He brought up a hand in front of his face and started counting. "Nakai-chan, Takashi-kun, half of Hika-Gen, Higashiy-"

Nagase abruptly smushed Joshima's mouth with his hand, cutting him off. "TMI, Leader. TMI. Don't wanna know. _Really_ don't wanna know." He ended it with a nervous laugh, already trying to eliminate the images that had formed in his head.

Joshima pulled away his hand and slouched forward more fully in the other's lap. "M'just trying to help..."

Nagase closed his eyes, then re-opened them, then squinched them shut again.

Alright, let's try to put these things in order. He could sort through them if he made a list, right? A list in his head?

1) Leader was gay  
2) He, himself, definitely liked chicks  
3) But he kinda liked Gussan too  
4) In a weird, manly sort of way  
5) That might also include wanting to "fuck around with him"  
6) Yeah, ok, he might like that idea a lot  
7) He'd never fucked with a guy before  
8) This made him nervous as hell  
9) Leader was gay  
10) Leader'd fucked guys before  
11) Leader had experience  
12) Leader was offering to fuck around with him  
13) He was trying to get on more friendly terms with Leader anyway  
14) Not that friendly, you idiot!  
15) But in the end, it really did seem to work out to his advantage  
16) This meant he'd have to sleep with Leader  
17) But this also meant he'd get to sleep with Gussan  
18) Well, ok, it meant he'd have more of a _chance_  
19) But he still definitely liked chicks!  
20) Why the hell hadn't Taichi mentioned something like this would happen?

He opened his eyes back up, looking down at the pile of leader in his lap.

"Ok, fine."

Joshima patted him on the nose in a very strange, affectionate gesture. "Oh good..."

"But don't get weird on me, ok?" Nagase brushed the hand away. "And nobody will ever know about this."

"Course not..."

Now Joshima was smiling up at him serenely. Which just made Nagase set his jaw even tighter.

"Alright. Ok. So. Doin' it with a dude. What do you need to know?"

"Well, don't be so stiff, that's for sure."

Nagase realized that almost every muscle in his body had somehow gone rigid. He relaxed. A bit. "What do you expect?! This is really, really friggin' weird for me, ok?"

"Well, it's a total turn-off. You're gonna make Yamaguchi run away before you even get started." Joshima stuck his tongue out teasingly. "Close your eyes."

Nagase jerked backwards instinctively. "Why?!"

Joshima glared at him. "Just do it! Do it and pretend I'm a girl or something until you get comfortable and can finally accept the idea, kay?"

Nagase continued to look at him warily, but finally did as he was told and shut his eyes. He attempted to relax his shoulders, slow down the breathing that he hadn't even realized had gotten strained.

_There's a girl in my lap. There's a girl in my lap. There's a girl in my lap. There's a girl in my lap._

He relaxed even more, taking a deep breath.

Joshima shifted in his lap, and he felt him move forward, against him, hands on his shoulders, on his neck, up to his chin. And then there was a mouth on his, and he tensed again, tensed something horrible because the illusion was shot for a second and he remembered who exactly was suddenly kissing him.

He almost opened his eyes. Almost shoved the other man away. But then he took another breath in through his nose and forced himself into as calm a state as he could manage at the moment. Joshima was making tiny little pecks against his mouth, tongue tracing along his bottom lip.

It actually felt pretty damn good.

He stopped focusing on Joshima himself, focusing just on the feeling, a feeling he was pretty used to to keep from bragging too much, and one he enjoyed. He knew what he was doing here. He wasn't a snot-nosed brat who couldn't handle his own in bed.

He kissed back. He pushed his own tongue into Joshima's mouth, sucking hard on his top lip.

Joshima squeaked, barely audible but certainly there, which gave Nagase a little more confidence and released even more of the tension from his muscles. He brought his hands up and rested them on Joshima's thighs, trying not to focus on the fact that they weren't quite as smooth as a girl's would be.

Joshima pulled back after a bit, looking at him almost smugly. "See, it's not so hard, is it?"

"See, it's not so hard is it?" Nagase's voice went up three-octaves in the best old-man impersonation he could do.

Joshima grabbed his nose and pulled down hard. "Watch it, buster."

"I'm watchin' it, I'm watchin' it..." Nagase tugged back in annoyance and rubbed his now-sore nose with a grumble.

Joshima placed his own hands back on Nagase's chest, shifting a bit. "...really, I think what you'd most need to know how to do is..." He glanced downwards.

Nagase didn't follow for a second. Then glanced down as well. Then he grabbed Joshima's arms again with a jerk and pushed him away. "I am _not_ sucking your _dick_."

Joshima just looked at him coolly, Nagase's hands still digging into the sides of his arms. "Is that what you're gonna tell Yamaguchi? The two of you finally get in bed together, things get heated, he takes off his pants expecting a friendly blow-job... and then you tell him to shove it? I'm not thinking that'll go over well."

Nagase clenched his jaw.

"Look, _you're_ the one who wants to fuck around with him... blow-jobs were kind of a given..."

"There's nothing wrong with blow-jobs, as long as..." Nagase turned red and jerked his head away, which made Joshima raise his eyebrow. "...as long as I'm the one getting it." He finally realized he was still gripping Joshima's arms in a death grip and loosened his hands, letting them fall back to his sides.

"Share and share alike. When there's two guys you've gotta do your own part too." Joshima tried to keep the laugh out of his voice, now just smiling smugly.

Nagase growled in annoyance. "Fine, you crotchety old man." He grabbed Joshima's hips and lifted him up and off his lap entirely before plopping him roughly back onto the bed a short ways back. "I'll suck your damn, dirty dick." He sat back and started yanking his own shirt off to give himself a bit more freedom of movement.

Joshima just grinned in amusement, biting his lip as he continued trying to keep from laughing. He turned his head downwards, pulling up on the hem of his shirt hesitantly until his boxers and stomach were fully visible. He brought the tips of his knees together shyly but kept his feet spread in an open invitation, turning his head away with his best red-faced look of embarrassment. "Tomoya-kun... please be gentle..."

Nagase felt a thousand prickly darts shoot up his spine as his face lit on fire.

" _STOP THAT RIGHT NOW_." He threw his shirt at Joshima's head with such force it almost knocked the other man backwards off the bed.

Now Joshima _did_ laugh. "I'm just trying to get you in the mood!"

Nagase continued to rage, shoving his middle finger up in the air. "That's not helping at all! Gussan would not do something like that you little turd."

"Oh, I see. So you want him to shove it in your mouth, grabbing the back of your hair and telling you to swallow it all like a good boy?" Now Joshima was positively _gleaming_.

Nagase, however, almost _died_. "THAT IS NOT IT AT ALL." His face felt like it was burning. Grinding his teeth together, he was to Joshima in an instant, grabbing both of his knees and yanking them apart with the ferocity of a crazed jungle cat.

Joshima brought the back of his hand up to his face, turning his head away in mock shame. "Ah, Tomoya, you're so forceful... I don't know if I'm ready for this..."

"Fuck you."

"Please do."

Nagase shoved his head between Joshima's legs, face pushed into the fabric of his boxers. He breathed hotly against the small bulge he could feel beneath it, happy with he heard Joshima's voice get caught in his throat.

He grumbled in the back of his own throat. "I'll give you a blow-job you obnoxious old man." Hands pressing down on Joshima's thighs, he mouthed up and down what he could make of the bump beneath the fabric, working the front open with his teeth. He grimaced slightly when he first came in contact with skin, but clenched his jaw and kept going, tongue slipping out between his lips and traveling up the length. When he reached the top, he attempted to take a hold of it in his mouth and pull it outside the boxers entirely, but ultimately failed when it popped right back out.

He tried again.

And failed again.

His eyebrows furrowed in annoyance.

"What are you doing down there?" Joshima pouted as he glared at the top of Nagase's head.

Nagase grimaced again. "Nothing, _Leader_..." He attempted again and was finally able to pull it out, though it was still practically hidden in the folds of his boxers. He took it all in his mouth, now trying to work up into some semblance of a rhythm, though having to stop every three or four times he pulled back when Joshima would pop back out again.

"This shouldn't be an _entirely_ new concept for you, you know. You do go down on the girls you fuck, don't you?"

Nagase didn't answer, trying to keep his concentration.

"...if not, then maybe this can be a lesson for that _too_. 'Cuz otherwise, that's just rude. If you're gonna be sexually active, at least know how to do it right."

Nagase's jaw tightened, which resulted in him grazing his teeth all up along Joshima's length.

Joshima's back shot straight up, mouth curling into a look of pain. "...w-...what the fuck are you _doing_ , that _hurts!_ " He grabbed Nagase's forehead and pushed him away from his crotchal region with a firm shove. He glared down at him in annoyance. "That doesn't feel good at all!"

Nagase shot a look of equal annoyance back. "Well it would sure goddamn help if you weren't so fucking _tiny_ I can't even keep it in my mouth!"

Joshima's face went red and his expression hardened even more. "Or maybe you just suck at this and have no clue what you're doing!"

Nagase whipped out his middle finger again. "Wasn't that obvious from the beginning! I thought that was the point!"

With a grumbled series of curses, Joshima got up on his knees, shoving forward on Nagase's shoulders and throwing the other man off balance so that he landed back on his rear. Still mumbling, he went straight to work on Nagase's already half-undone pants, yanking the zipper all the way down before his hand was inside and roaming about, finding what he was looking for and pulling Nagase all the way out.

"What are you doing, stop that!" Nagase pushed himself back onto his hands, entering the slight panic-mode he'd been in earlier when Joshima'd first climbed into his lap.

"I'm showing you how you're supposed to do it!" Joshima gripped him at the base of his length, eyes widening slightly at realizing just how big he was, but not letting it slow him down and abruptly taking him in his mouth. It stretched his mouth to his limit, that was for sure, and were it not for the fact that he'd lost his gag reflex a long time ago, he'd probably have been gagging like crazy by now. Pumping with his hand, he began dunking his head up and down to match the rhythm.

Nagase was at a loss at first, hands poised as if wanting to shove Joshima away, but then slowly losing their tension as a groan inevitably made its way out of his mouth and he felt that wonderful, familiar fire grow between his legs.

"Shit, Leader..."

Joshima paused in his ministrations, pulling away with a trail of saliva hanging off his lip. "Are you paying attention?"

Nagase turned red and bit down hard on his own lip. "...y-yes."

Joshima grinned and went back to work, flicking his tongue across the tip each time he pulled his head back.

"D-dammit..."

This continued for a few minutes, Nagase's breathing coming out a bit strained, until Joshima looked up again, licking all the way up the other's length while looking directly into his eyes.

"Are you ready to try again?"

Nagase swallowed hard, teeth clenched.

Joshima grinned, turning around onto his back, promptly opening his legs and situating down happily into the sheets. He kept Nagase's dick in his hands, holding it down over his face and giving it another lick as he glanced upwards innocently.

"F...fuck you..."

"Please do."

Nagase pressed his lips together, then crawled until he was straddled over Joshima's frame. He stared down at the other's hips, grumbling to himself again, before deciding to take things as much as he could into his own hands and promptly grabbing the other's waist, flipping onto his back and pulling Joshima up onto his chest.

"H-hey, what are you--...?" Joshima flailed his arms out in a panic.

"Just making things easier, calm your shit down." Nagase slid Joshima's boxers down his thighs before situating the other's hips forward on his chest for easier access. Joshima himself kept trying to look backwards but was unable to crane his neck far enough, so took to simply looking at Nagase's dick which was now sticking up in front of his face.

He let a tiny grin form on his face. "See, I knew you'd work up to this..."

"Hush it, old man." Nagase pushed his face back between Joshima's legs, finding what he was looking for and taking him in his mouth. Joshima let out a tiny gasp, body tensing on top of Nagase's, before he got a hold of himself enough to return to his ministrations on Nagase's dick.

The lack of boxer fabric to have to deal with and the better angle helped considerably in Nagase's effort, and this time it only took him two instances of Joshima falling out of his mouth before he figured out just how far to pull his head back and how to hold his mouth, and damn if he didn't feel good about _that_. Nagase, king of sex, could now overcome any obstacle, even tiny old-man dick. This thought gave him more confidence and he began incorporating his tongue into the picture, which created lovely little moans from the body on top of his chest.

Joshima's mouth felt wonderful around his own dick, the other man's tongue sliding across the tip in practiced precision every time he pulled up, and the back of his throat pressed snug around him every time he took him in entirely, hand pumping continuously all the while.

He had to hand it to the man - even some of the looser women he'd banged hadn't been able to take the pride and glory between his legs _all_ the way in. And god _damn_ he knew how to work it.

The heat was building again between his legs. Strong and concentrated, rising in sharp peaks every time Joshima would do that thing with his tongue again. He focused on his own handiwork on the other's dick, trying to copy what he was feeling as well as he could, tongue working across the tip as his fingers left sweaty imprints on Joshima's thighs.

He could tell the other man was getting close when he felt the muscles in his legs begin to tighten, feeling a sense of pride that he, himself, wasn't quite that close yet. He redoubled his efforts, humming around the other's dick with a little smirk, which made Joshima moan around his own and bringing the wonderful feeling full-circle.

He flicked his tongue one last time, and suddenly the mouth around his dick tightened, the toes on the feet not far from his head curled upwards, and then he got a giant wad of gross-tasting shit across his tongue as Joshima came in his mouth, a high-pitched whine coming from his south-end.

He immediately started yakking, trying to spit what he could out and being highly vocal about his displeasure.

"You could have warned me!"

Joshima lifted his head up, still breathing hotly against the skin of his dick and his face covered in sweat. "S-sorry... though I kinda figured you could tell, dummy."

Nagase's eyebrows furrowed in annoyance as he wiped his tongue on his wrist to try and get the taste out of his mouth.

Joshima licked up Nagase's dick again, voice coming out in a sing-song fashion. "...while you're down there, you could use that tongue a few other places as well."

Nagase's eyes went immediately to Joshima's rear-end, bugging out of their sockets as he physically tensed in disgust. "Fuck no, that's disgusting!" He pushed his hips up in further annoyance. "And stop taking your damn time, I wanna get off too, ya know."

"Cranky pants..." Joshima grumbled under his breath before taking him in again, twirling his tongue around and sending a jolt of electricity up Nagase's spine.

"Sh-shit..."

Increasing his pace, Joshima took him in even farther, until he was pressed all the way to the back of his throat, his eyes watering. Nagase clutched his hands in the sheets, sweat working down his neck, down his forehead. He clenched his eyes shut.

And then he came, long and hard, fire building to a point he couldn't take anymore and shooting up into Joshima's mouth. He gritted his teeth together and let out a low groan, not realizing he'd been holding his breath until he was finished and he let it out with a long sigh.

Joshima let him slip out of his mouth, cum dripping down his chin as Nagase's dick flopped back down to the bedding.

"...hypocrite."

"What was that? I couldn't hear you."

"Nothing, _Tomoya_."

Nagase abruptly pushed the other man off of him, sitting up on the bed and stretching his neck with an abrupt crick. Joshima flailed his arms out as he fell, then instantly curled back up into a little ball in his shirt.

It was silent.

Exceedingly silent.

Nagase stared out the door into his living room, jaw lax.

"Fuck, I need another drink..."

 

\--------------------

 

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"I'm staying in here. Where it's safe."

"You idiot, how is anything supposed to happen if you don't come out of the dressing room?"

"That's the point."

"I thought you wanted me to help you."

"I changed my mind. Go fuck yourself."

"I'd have to go home for that. I didn't bring anything with me."

"That was way more information than I needed, Leader. Please never say that again."

"You're the one talking about fucking."

"You're the one with the dirty, gay mind."

"You're the one trying to hook up with another man currently."

That one shut Nagase up good, and he pouted begrudgingly from his spot on the couch, arms crossed in front of his chest as he stared at himself in the mirror. Joshima was at the door currently, leaning against the frame with half his body inside the dressing room and half out in the hallway.

There were footsteps.

"Ah, someone's coming."

"OH MY GOD. Is it Gussan? Please tell me it's not Gussan, I'm gonna _die_."

"Oh my god, I think it might be Yamaguchi."

"SHIT FUCK NO."

"Oh my god, it's him, it's him, it's him, oh my GOD!"

"FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK."

Taichi walked into the room.

"It's Taichi."

Nagase had a heart attack and melted into a pile of misery in the seam of the couch.

"What the hell are you two doing and why is Nagase screaming like someone chopped his dick off?" Taichi threw his bag onto the nearby counter, abruptly messing up the pile of papers that'd been sitting there.

"Nagase's going through some mental trauma right now." Joshima crossed his arms and leaned his head most of the way back inside the dressing room.

"I'm not even gonna ask." Taichi looked over in bemusement at Nagase who was now twitching violently with a bit of drool leaking from the corner of his mouth.

"It's probably for the best."

Taichi started unpacking things from his bag, rummaging a variety of clothing items.

"Shoot today?"

"Mmn. DASH shoot with Mabo." Taichi slid his shirt up and over his head, tossing it to the side on the counter. Joshima watched without blinking. "Up in Niigata Prefecture."

"Ahh... Niigata..." Nagase spoke up for the first time, suddenly perfectly sane-sounding and acting like a reasonable human being. "Beautiful, hilly ski slopes there."

"...indeed." Taichi raised a questioning eyebrow before turning to Joshima and shooting him a worried look. He yanked a new t-shirt from his bag on, head popping out the top as he straightened the bottom.

"Will Mabo be stopping by then?" Joshima switched the way his feet were crossed.

"Ah. No, he was actually shooting for his drama earlier today, so he's just leaving from there." Taichi pulled a white windbreaker on over the t-shirt before getting to work on his hair, putting something from an unlabeled bottle in his hands before running it messily through. "You guys have a shoot or something today?"

The inklings of a grin graced Joshima's features. "Oh yes. A very special shoot."

"IT'S CALLED MY LIFE." Nagase put his hands over his eyes and started wailing again.

Taichi literally stopped in his efforts with his hair and turned around slowly, blinking. "Okaaaaay..."

"Don't mind him. It's just nerves."

Nagase started writhing around on the couch.

"Well. That's nice." Taichi rolled his eyes and then finished up with his hair, packing everything back into his bag. "Good luck with that, I guess..." The bag went to his shoulder and he turned around on his heels, heading back towards the door.

"Good luck on your Niigata adventure." Joshima brought his hand up in a little wave.

"Right-o!" Taichi shot him a thumbs-up and then walked past him, back out the door. "Later!"

Joshima watched him walk until he disappeared around the corner. Nagase slithered over the arm of the couch and onto the ground by Joshima's feet.

"I can't do this."

"You haven't even done anything yet."

"Well, I give up already."

"I thought you were 'amazing' when it came to romance."

"That's with girls! I know what to do with girls!" Nagase stretched his arms up and started tugging on Joshima's leg. "But Gussan's not a girl!"

"Obviously."

"And you don't count 'cuz you're a gay old man who acts like a woman anyway."

Joshima stepped on Nagase's face.

\------------------------

 

As it turned out, Tatsuya didn't end up coming to the dressing room at all. At least, in the further hour that the two of them ended up waiting (and ultimately becoming quite bored during). Joshima suggested they simply call him, but Nagase didn't want to be that obvious, because clearly calling him would be way obvious and reveal all of Nagase's very gay thoughts about him. 

Joshima told him he was being a douche and pulled out his cell phone, pressing the 4 on his speed-dial.

Nagase was currently curled up beside him, attached like a leech and peering over his shoulder.

"Ooh, Gussan's number four on your speed-dial? What number am I? What number am I?"

"The pound-sign."

"Fuckin' sweet, man, I'm the pound sign!"

"Ah, Tatsuya! Hey!"

"...wait a minute, you can't use the pound sign for speed-dials!"

"Mmn, ah, no. Ahaha. You have a shoot today?"

"I'm feeling very discriminated upon!"

"Ah, no? So you're at home? How's Junon?"

"You hate me! I knew it, you dastardly old man!"

"Ah, that's good, that's good. Hey, Nagase-kun and I were thinking of taking a random excursion to Yokohama today since we didn't have anything going on."

"Nagase-kun? When did I become Nagase-kun? You didn't call me Nagase-kun when you had my dick in your m-"

Joshima's hand was on Nagase's mouth as he laughed loudly into the phone. "Ahaha, no, no special reason, really. The kid said he'd show me around a bit and apparently there's some really pretty places up there this time in the fall."

Nagase shot him a dirty look and pried the other's fingers away from his mouth. He was about to say something else when his eyes narrowed nervously and he began mouthing "can he hear me?" in rather frantic inquiries.

"Of course, of course We'd love you to join us if you could. It'd be fun. Both Taichi and Mabo are on a DASH shoot in Niigata Prefecture."

Joshima patted Nagase's knee without looking over at him.

"Mmn. Mmn. Yeah, that sounds good. It's already almost noon so we'll grab some lunch here and then meet you at Yokohama Station? Yeah, like maybe 2'ish?"

Nagase was making incomprehensible gestures again.

"Yeah, yeah. Perfect. Alright, then. We'll see you there. Yeah. Bye."

Joshima clicked his phone shut. Then looked over and slapped Nagase up the side of his face. "We have a date with Yamaguchi in Yokohama, so shape up."

"I'm gonna die!"

"You're not gonna die, you're gonna buy me some lunch 'cuz I'm starving. I want okonomiyaki."

"I'm not your sugar-daddy, bitch!"

 

\--------------

 

After a delicious lunch of okonomiyaki at a new place by Shinjuku Station, the two of them hopped aboard the Yamanote Line to catch a ride to Shibuya, and from there they got on the next train bound for Yokohama on the Touyoko Line. It was a good forty minutes from there, though, so the two of them pulled their hats down low, popped their collars up and donned their glasses before finding two open seats in one of the back cars and settling in for the long haul.

Nagase promptly fell asleep on Joshima's shoulder halfway through the trip, drool leaking out the side of his mouth.

Joshima slapped the bottom of his chin when they made it there, leaving him in a mild state of confusion as Joshima left him sitting in the seat as he walked out the door of the train. Nagase had to dodge a few angry salarymen in his rush to get off before the doors closed again.

"Leader, I can't do this."

"You can do it. You'll be fine."

"No, I can't."

"You've done a million things with Yamaguchi before."

"Never with such gay intentions in my mind!"

"Well, stop thinking about the gay intentions then."

"That's like telling me to stop thinking with my dick."

"Oh hey, he's already here."

Nagase screamed like a woman.

"Kiiiiidding."

"You're an ass!"

"There's a lot of people that like my ass, thank you very much."

"LA LA LA LA~" Nagase put his fingers in his ears.

"You can probably pull your hat back up so you don't look quite as much like a hoodlum."

"Don't you think that adds to my suave image?"

"That would require you to have a suave image in the first place."

"Hey, guys! Sorry I'm late!" Tatsuya jogged over to the two of them from the other platform.

Joshima waved.

Nagase screamed again.

Tatsuya blinked and shook his head in confusion.

"Ah, sorry. He's been a little on edge today." Joshima waved his hand in front of his face apologetically.

Nagase tried to speak. "Sphlghm."

Nagase stopped trying to speak.

"So!" Tatsuya clapped his hands together. "Where we goin'? S'nice out today."

"Indeed! Nagase-kun, where do you think we should go?" Joshima turned to look at Nagase, who was still standing there looking like an idiot.

"Ah. Right. Where to go. Well. We could go. Where should we go?"

Tatsuya smiled at him blankly.

Joshima blinked questioningly. "That's what we were asking you."

"Oh! Of course! Let's go then. Let's... we should go to... somewhere..."

Joshima turned back to Tatsuya with a smile. "I think what he's trying to say is that we should go to Yamashita Park! It'd be really pretty around this time of year."

Tatsuya looked back and forth from Joshima to Nagase, still looking very confused, but finally smiled again. "...okay! Sounds good to me."

Joshima patted on Nagase's back and started to push him forward and out of the station area. "Come, come, Nagase-kun, why don't you lead us there?"

Nagase walked forward in a strange trance. "Yes, I will lead you there..."

When it seemed like he was ok and continued walking, Tatsuya pulled on Joshima's sleeve to pull him closer, one hand covering the side of his mouth.

"What's wrong with the kid?"

Joshima wrung his hands together. "Eh? There's nothing wrong. I think he was just up a little too late last night, so he's still a little... out of it?"

Tatsuya raised an eyebrow. "A little out of it? He's like two sheets to the wind."

"Oh, I'm sure he's fine!" Joshima laughed. "He just needs to walk around a bit. Get some fresh air. Being back in Yokohama should lift him right up!"

The two of them watched as Nagase almost tripped on nothing.

"...but maybe somebody should make sure he gets along ok. Go talk to him or something." Joshima gave Tatsuya a friendly shove on the back, sending the other man forward a few steps and almost caught up with Nagase.

Tatsuya looked back with a confused look but ultimately took a few more quick steps to fall in-line beside Nagase, looking up at him rather concernedly before returning his attention to the front.

"You seem strangely antsy today."

Nagase noticed that Tatsuya was next to him. He screamed.

"You're also very screamy today."

"Oh, I'm fiiiiine! Totally fine!" Nagase laughed a little too loudly. "I was just thinking how fun it was to be back in Yokohama. It's just the perfect day, isn't it? And so crisp! Isn't autumn wonderful? I love autumn leaves. They're very brown. And orange too! All sorts of lovely colors! All in Yokohama!" Nagase looked to his side opposite Tatsuya and grimaced in horror.

"It is nice today, yeah. I'm glad the rainy season finally ended and the temperature settled down, eh?" Tatsuya held a hand out as if waiting for said rain to suddenly come pouring down again, looking up at the sky.

Nagase followed his gaze, bringing one hand up to shield against the sun.

A breeze blew in from the direction of the station they'd just left and blew a few of the aforementioned brown and orange leaves across their path.

"So where's this Yamashita Park, anyway?" Tatsuya glanced over.

Nagase blinked for a second, then shook his head to right his thoughts. "Ah, it's not far. I'm surprised you haven't been there, actually. It's pretty well-known."

"I haven't been to Yokohama much. Haven't really had a reason, I guess. Just a few shoots, and then once with my brothers when we were younger."

"Yamaguchi-kun has... two brothers, right?"

"Mmn. The three of us were little devils when we were kids. I'm sure my parents had a hell of a time." He laughed, some long-forgotten memory playing in his head as he stuck his hands in his pockets.

"What are your brothers doing now?"

"Hm? Ah..." He chewed on his bottom lip, eyes going skyward. "Older one's in accounting for a firm in Chiba. Younger one thinks he wants to be a rock-star. Doesn't run in the family at all, huh?"

Nagase laughed. "Of course not."

Tatsuya turned his head towards him. "But you have a..."

"Older sister."

"Ah, yeah, yeah. You told me that at some point, I just forgot."

"Nah, it's fine. It's not like it's that important anyway." Nagase scratched the back of his head.

"It's not ok! You guys are important to me. I should take the time to remember these types of things."

Nagase's heart squished inside his chest and he almost keeled over.

"The only one whose family I've met is that idiot back there." Tatsuya gestured behind them and they both looked back for a second. Joshima was taking a picture of one of the trees off to their right with his phone, but he turned to look at them when he noticed. He sheepishly pointed to the phone: "...for Taichi."

They looked back to the front.

"Ah, Leader's family?"

"Mmn. He took me to Nara once back around the time we first debuted and I met his mom."

Nagase laughed. "Now there's a woman I'd like to meet."

"I know, right?" Tatsuya joined in the laughter. "Quite the woman, let me assure you."

"Does Leader have any siblings?"

Tatsuya shook his head. "Only child. Mom raised him by herself since he was like... four?"

"Eh? Leader doesn't have a dad either?"

"Either?" Tatsuya shot him a confused look.

Which made Nagase instantly quiet in embarrassment. He looked away, readjusting his jacket before looking back to the front. "...my dad left when I was really little."

Tatsuya's eyes fell to the sidewalk. "Ah... I'm sorry..."

"It's ok, really." Nagase waved his hands in front of himself. "That was forever ago, right? Plus I had my mom and my sister, so it's not like I was lonely or anything. Leader would have had it harder with just his mom."

Tatsuya bit his lip. "Yeah, but still..."

"I owe them both a lot. I wouldn't have had it any other way." He was lying through his teeth by this point, but it's not like he was about to go into his own stupid personal matters with Tatsuya. He was sure that was the last thing the other man wanted to hear about.

It got quiet again. Nagase didn't know what to say, so instead he didn't say anything and stared down at the sidewalk as they walked along.

"Ah. That sign up there says it's just up to the right." Tatsuya was pointing towards a sign to the left of a nearby bus-stop

"Oh yeah. It's just around the corner from here."

"So where is your home? Close to here?" Tatsuya glanced over inquisitively.

Nagase's face went a bit red at the direct question that he hadn't at all been expecting, and it took him a second to answer. "No, it's uh... it's a ways uh, north. North of the station. I usually take a bus to get there."

"I see, I see." Tatsuya walked on in contented ignorance.

And then suddenly the two of them were pushed forward from behind as Joshima swung his arms around both of their shoulders and jumped between them.

"How's it going, guys? Having fun yet?!?"

Nagase nearly got whip-lash as he teetered off-balance. "Gaccccck, Leadeeer...!"

Tatsuya just smiled and put his own arm up and around Joshima's shoulder as well. "Just fine, Shige. Just fine. We're actually almost there apparently." He gestured ahead of them again with his free arm.

Nagase just glared down at the intruder.

"We're going to a paaark, we're going to a paaaark~" Joshima darted forward again before either one of them could do anything, bouncing excitedly along the sidewalk with his arms flailing to his sides.

"Excitable, isn't he?" Nagase laughed in amusement as if he hadn't been randomly screaming in falsetto not more than fifteen minutes earlier.

"Well, that's one of his qualities, I guess..." Tatsuya smirked, but did speed up his walking just a bit. Nagase jogged a pace or two to keep up his own pace.

The park indeed turned out to be quite the lovely sight in its fall colors and rows of autumn flowers. The little pathways zigzagged their ways between the various garden-beds and the red-brick that surrounded them.

It brought back memories of coming here with his sister, and how they used to make "bug lunches" by taking the tiny crumbs left over from their cookies and cakes and feeding them to the ants that made hills between the sidewalk segments.

There were a few other people milling around, but other than that it wasn't too crowded. Coming on a weekday was always a better idea than the weekend.

Joshima was off somewhere doing something. Nagase lost him at some point. He'd flounced off to the right and disappeared behind an outgrouping of trees. Tatsuya was now a few steps in front of him again, hands in his pockets and glancing around. He brought a hand up and pointed off towards the other end of the nearest group of trees.

"There's a bench over there. Wanna sit?"

Wanna sit? Wanna sit On a bench? With him?

"FUCK YEAH."

Tatsuya blinked in abrupt confusion.

"I mean, I would love to. To sit. Let's sit." Nagase turned his head and cringed again. He felt like a moron.

The two of them walked in the direction of the bench, passing by a few beds of flowers on their right. Tatsuya took a seat on the right side of the bench. Nagase sat practically on top of him like a leech.

"Too close."

"Oh. Right." Nagase laughed jokingly and moved a few inches away. He cleared his throat as if he wanted to say something. But then realized he didn't know what to say. So he didn't say anything.

And the two of them sat in a rather strange kind of silence as they stared out into the rest of the park.

The minute stretched into two. Which stretched into five.

A leaf flittered across the path in front of them.

Joshima somehow ended up behind them, bouncing up to the bench with a bunch of flowers in his hands. He put one on top of Tatsuya's head.

"I'm the flower lady."

He took the other ten or so in his hands and plopped them on Nagase's head so they fell all over his face and jacket.

Then he abruptly bounced back off.

Nagase immediately started shaking his head in an attempt to get them off, cursing under his breath before turning around entirely and shouting at the other man to "come back and try that again, fuckwad!" Tatsuya just laughed wholeheartedly and grabbed the flower from his own head, twirling it around in his fingers as he stared down at it while Nagase continued cleaning himself off.

"...friggin' bitch..."

Tatsuya shook his head with another laugh. "When did you and Shige get so close?"

"Eh?" Nagase blanched, hands stopping above his jacket in mid-swipe. "Close? He's an ass, is what he is! More like when did I suddenly wanna slap him upside the face!"

But Tatsuya kept laughing. "It was only a few months ago that you were still calling him Joshima-kun and speaking all polite."

Crap. That was kinda true, wasn't it? But it's not like he could tell Tatsuya that they'd "bonded" (if you could use that word in this situation) over alcohol, cuddles and gay confessions. And he especially couldn't tell Tatsuya they'd blown each other so that Nagase could get practice hopefully blowing Tatsuya in the future.

No, that didn't seem like it would be a wise thing to say at all.

"Yeah, uh... hmm. We're closer now, I guess, yeah..." Nagase finished wiping the flowers off of his lap.

"Shige doesn't act like that around many people..." Tatsuya was staring down at the flower again. Which made Nagase stare down at it now too. Which made Nagase kind of angry, so he grabbed the flower out of Tatsuya's hands and tossed it off into the grass.

They both stared after it as it lay a few feet away.

Nagase finally spoke up again. "...why? Are you and Leader close?"

Tatsuya brought a hand up to scratch the back of his head sheepishly. "...I guess you could say that?"

Nagase stared at him for a moment. Then he froze.

Wait.

Wait a minute.

He blinked.

Oh my god. Were they fucking? Were Tatsuya and Joshima fucking and that goddamn bitch hadn't even bothered to mention it to him? It couldn't be, could it? There was no way Tatsuya'd go for that. And yet, why had he looked at that flower with such a far-off look? Why was he getting all sheepish now? What the fuck did "I guess you could say that" mean?!

Nagase's face hardened more and more as his jaw clenched. Tatsuya was staring off towards the other side of the park again.

There was no way it was true! What kind of cold-hearted bitch would tell him to go after the guy he was fucking? Unless it was just so he could see Nagase's heart-broken face when he finally revealed he had no chance with Tatsuya.

Nagase looked towards Tatsuya. Down towards his legs. In his mind, he could see Joshima kneeling down between them, sucking him off, red-faced and sweaty and making Tatsuya groan his name. Joshima looked up towards him, smirking, licking all the way up Tatsuya's dick sickeningly slow.

"Did you really think you had a chance? Yamaguchi's mine, Tomoya."

Nagase abruptly shook his head. Shook his vision free of the image that was making his skin curl. His throat had gotten so tight he could barely swallow.

Tatsuya glanced over at him worriedly. "Hm? Something wrong?"

"No, no. Nothing's wrong." Nagase waved a hand in front of him, face all smiles while his insides churned.

Tatsuya smiled back. "Anyway, I guess I'm just glad. We're a band, right? We're like family. I want us to all be really close."

Nagase's eyes remained slightly narrowed. "Close", huh? Just how close, huh?

There was a shout from behind them, off a little ways towards the other end of the park. They turned around on the bench to look, seeing Joshima waving towards them happily and gesturing for them to come over.

"Guys, there's a guy selling crepes! Let's get some!"

Tatsuya's face brightened. Nagase glowered.

"Crepes! Alright! Come on, let's go." And then Tatsuya was up and off the bench and he grabbed Nagase's hand that'd been sitting on the back of the bench and he was dragging him over towards the other man.

Nagase's heart started beating frantically in his chest as he half-panicked and almost completely fell on his face. But then his legs started working and he was jogging behind him in order to keep up and Tatsuya's hand felt warm around his own.

They got to Joshima's side and stopped, and Tatsuya let go of his hand.

Joshima was grinning like an anime girl on steroids, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. "Crepes, crepes, crepes!"

Once the effect of having just held Tatsuya's hand had worn off, his heart back to a normal speed, Nagase remembered his anger and started glaring at Joshima. Tatsuya, however, honked the other man's nose in amusement before walking past him to the aforementioned crepe seller.

When Tatsuya was looking away, Joshima turned to Nagase with a hopeful smile.

Nagase shot him a look of death before following Tatsuya without a word.

Joshima frowned and followed silently in confusion.

"Ah man, they have a ton of flavors too!" Tatsuya was perusing the sign to the left of the register, hand under his chin and finger tapping his mouth every couple of seconds. "I totally want something chocolate."

Nagase hopped over behind him. "I want strawberry I want strawberry I want strawberry I want strawberry."

"I want chocolate too!" Joshima chimed in happily from behind.

Which just made Nagase's heart clenched again. "Can't you make your own decision?"

Joshima frowned again, face falling as his earlier happiness left.

Tatsuya just laughed, oblivious. "Well, there's a lot of different kinds of chocolate ones. There's plenty for everyone."

Nagase didn't care.

Yet this wasn't enough to change the fact that he still wanted strawberry, because goddammit he liked strawberry and he was gonna fucking get it.

Tatsuya moved to the register and put in his order for the chocolate-custard-banana crepe. Nagase moved up to his side before he'd even finished and hastily put in his own order for the strawberry-banana one. Then the two of them moved off to the side and Joshima rather reluctantly went up to the register himself, ordering a matcha-cream crepe with his eyes slightly downturned.

It didn't take long for the crepes to get done, as they were the only customers at the moment and there were four people working in the stand. Tatsuya's and Nagase's came out at the same time, with Joshima's only a minute later. And then they stood in a little make-shift circle a short ways away and enjoyed them thoroughly.

Though all the while strangely quiet, as Nagase didn't feel much like talking now, Joshima felt like he'd done something wrong, and Tatsuya was simply eating his crepe and feeling no need to talk as nobody else was talking to him.

Joshima looked forlornly down at the ground as he chewed. The matcha crepe was indeed delicious, but he would rather have had a chocolate one.

Nagase was the first one done. He'd practically wolfed his down, now licking his fingers for the last bits of delicious crepe goodness. Tatsuya looked up at him, smiling, which made Nagase's heart jump and the goofy smile return to his own face.

Once they'd all finished, there was a bit of a line gathered in front of the crepe seller's, and as they weren't that keen on getting recognized by a fan or a random old lady, they decided to vacate the premises, heading back to the park entrance.

Joshima walked along morosely behind Nagase and Tatsuya, his hands stuck in his pockets. "...you guys wanna head over to Chinatown or something? There's a bunch of restaurants there... if we explore for a bit it'll be close to dinnertime..." He chewed on the inside of his cheek.

Tatsuya turned around and started walking backwards, a big grin on his face. "Sounds good to me. I'm always up for Chinese!"

Nagase frowned, pouting with a grumble, but in the end he had to agree as well, because, well, if Tatsuya wanted to go, then he wasn't going to refuse, obviously. But he wasn't doing it happily.

Once that decision had been made, however, they shifted their direction further to the south. The Chinatown area in Yokohama was huge, taking up more than a few streets, and it wasn't far at all. Just a few blocks down from where they'd exited the park. In fact, even by the park itself there were a few small Chinese shops, getting more and more frequent as they continued down the road.

They'd almost reached the Chinatown area proper when they passed by a Family Mart on their left, which brought Tatsuya to a stop.

He laughed a bit sheepishly. "You guys mind if I hit up the restroom? I've had to go for the past half hour now..."

Joshima grinned and shook his head. "S'fine."

"Wouldn't want you dying of bladder poisoning or something." Nagase chuckled.

Tatsuya started inside the convenience store, waving behind him. "Nah, it's not piss. Gotta take a shit." And then he disappeared into the store.

Joshima continued to smile in amusement. "He never has been one for subtlety, has he?"

Nagase didn't answer. As soon as Tatsuya disappeared, the scowl returned to his face. Which Joshima noticed and instantly frowned.

It was silent for a moment. Then Joshima turned towards him hesitantly. "...what's wrong?"

Nagase didn't wanna say anything.

He shouldn't say anything.

He tried to stand there silently. He didn't wanna start anything.

But then he looked over and Joshima was looking up at him so innocently he just couldn't take it anymore.

"Are you and Gussan fucking or what?"

Joshima's eyes widened in surprise, his muscles frozen.

"...what?"

Which just made Nagase angrier. "Don't 'what' me!" He stepped over to the shorter man, grabbing him by the collar of his jacket and practically lifting him up onto his toes. "I've seen the way he looks at you. Are you fucking? Is this all some big joke you're trying to play on me?" He pushed his face down all the way into Joshima's, forcing the other man to shrink in fear.

"...we, uh... we..."

Nagase shook his collar, shaking Joshima's head in the process.

Joshima clenched his eyes shut. "... we have before, yes!"

Nagase scoffed in disgust, shoving the other man away and turning away with an abrupt jerk. Joshima lost his balance from the push and fell backwards onto his rear end with a little yelp.

"'Fuck me and you'll be able to fuck Gussan, Nagase.' 'You should totally go for it, Nagase.'" Nagase shot him a loathing glare. "Fuck you! Why didn't you say that from the beginning?!"

Joshima grimaced, collecting his bearings before shakily getting back to his feet. "It was a long time ago! Back when we first met! We hadn't even debuted yet!" The anger started to rise in his own voice.

"Did you seduce him like you did me, you little whore? Get him drunk and start sucking him off?"

Joshima's eyes blazed. "It was nothing like that! It was... it was stupid. Neither of us knew what we were doing!"

"All that matters to you is the next person who'll fuck you. The next dick you can blow. Go get Taichi to stick his cock in your ass. It's pretty damn obvious you want him!"

And then Joshima snapped. His hand met the side of Nagase's face, slapping him so hard he saw stars and his head jerked to the side.

"You don't know anything about me you immature, self-obsessed brat!" There were tears in his eyes as he gritted his teeth together. Before Nagase could even think of responding, he'd turned on his heels and was stomping off in the direction they'd just come from.

At that moment, Tatsuya was walking out of the convenience store, his eyes narrowed as he watched Joshima take off down the sidewalk. He opened his mouth. Then closed it. Then frowned even deeper and walked over to where Nagase was still standing, stunned.

"...what the hell happened?"

Nagase turned to face him, the tiniest inklings of tears in his own eyes as his cheek still stung from the slap, now having turned bright red.

"We don't need him! We'll have fun all by ourselves, right Gussan?"

"E-eh? What? I mean..." Now Tatsuya was thoroughly confused, glancing over to where he could still see Joshima's back quite a ways off before turning back to Nagase.

Nagase gave an elongated sniff to keep his nose from running all over the place and abruptly grabbed Tatsuya's hand. "Come on! Let's go!" And then he was tugging him along behind him, pulling him towards the hustle and bustle of Chinatown and away from the source of all his problems who was still fuming his way back to the station.

 

\---------------

 

It didn't take long for Nagase to forget about Joshima completely. He had Tatsuya now. Tatsuya was his and his alone for the night. He'd never been happier in his life. He'd never laughed so hard in his life. The two of them went all over Chinatown. They hit up some of the touristy shops, Nagase taking it upon himself to try on some of the traditional Chinese hats and dancing around the shop while Tatsuya clapped his hands and tried to keep from crying in laughter. They went to a candy store and pigged out on different types of Chinese candy because Nagase kept pointing at random things and saying he'd like to try them and Tatsuya obliging him by pulling out his wallet without a second thought. When they left that store, there was a street performer doing a juggling act out in the street, so they stopped to watch him a while and all the audience got way into it, clapping their hands and singing along with the music.

It had started to get dark by the time they decided they were hungry for actual food, so then they stopped at one of the nicest restaurants they could find (Tatsuya insisted it be "really fucking grand"), and there they had dimsum and crab and noodles and duck and five different types of teas and Nagase ate so much he thought he was going to explode and Tatsuya kept telling him he should try something else, try this, Nagase, try this. And they even got one of the waiters to take a picture of them on Nagase's phone because clearly they needed a memory of them in front of the piles of empty plates they'd eaten through, and Tatsuya had his arm around Nagase's shoulder and was holding him close and Nagase thought his heart was going to beat so fast he'd go into cardiac arrest.

When they left the restaurant, the entire area was still abuzz with people and lights and sounds and everything was bigger and grander and more amazing than Nagase'd thought it could be, especially given the fact that Tatsuya kept grabbing his wrist to lead him through the crowds because they'd get separated otherwise, even despite the fact that Nagase was as tall as a giant.

After such an amazing day, clearly alcohol must be consumed, right? Or at least that's what Nagase thought he heard Tatsuya scream from in front of them as they were pushing their way past the crowd outside a noisy restaurant. And of course Nagase couldn't agree more, so they made their way to the first bar they could find. This bar, however, turned out to be less than stellar and was a bit stinky, so Tatsuya quickly ushered them back out and to the other side of the street where it seemed much more inviting, in fact, so inviting that the owner of the bar and his wife welcomed them in with enormous hugs and then they were laughing and drinking with a bunch of the other patrons and Nagase thought he was going to die simply because he was so happy and his heart had swelled to like five times its usual size. Tatsuya kept looking over at him with this huge grin and Nagase felt his face go red, but he didn't care both from the alcohol he'd consumed and the fact that he could blame it on said alcohol anyway. At one point the owner's daughter came over and all the other patrons were trying to push her onto Nagase, but Tatsuya would have none of them and jokingly pulled him away, saying "he was with him", which made Nagase literally feel like he was going to die and he wanted to praise someone, praise anyone for giving him this opportunity and my god Tatsuya was beautiful standing so close to him like that.

By the time they left the bar it was almost midnight.

By the time they got back to Shinjuku Station, it was past one.

They were so drunk, Tatsuya had gotten on the wrong train. Gussan, you're so stupid, Gussan, oh my god, you're so drunk. You should have taken the other train! And Tatsuya rubbed his face as he laughed and the other people in the station were shooting them dirty looks for being so loud, but neither one of them noticed nor cared and Nagase was hanging all over Tatsuya's shoulders because he was having difficulty keeping himself up at this point.

And of course by this time only the JR lines were running, so Tatsuya kept walking around aimlessly and not knowing what to do because he was having a hard time sorting out things in his head.

Finally, Nagase insisted that he simply come home with him, as his place was only a few stations away on the Chuo which was still running and it probably wouldn't do for Tatsuya to be going much farther than that all drunk as he was anyway. Only it came out much less eloquently and full of slurs due to Nagase's current state.

Somehow they were able to make it safely, though not without Nagase nearly falling down when the train stopped nor Tatsuya almost walking out in the street before the light had turned green for them to walk. After this incident, Nagase'd grabbed a hold of his hand to keep him from wandering off again, and even afterwards neither one of them felt much like releasing the hand-lock.

They stumbled into Nagase's apartment. The bed was still unmade from the night before, the covers and sheets all askew, and were both of them not dead drunk they probably would have noticed that one of Joshima's socks was lying on the floor between the living room and the bedroom.

Nagase asked Tatsuya if he needed anything to drink. Tatsuya responded that he'd had quite enough to drink already, thank you very much, which started them both off on another bout of laughter, Tatsuya slapping his knee and having to wipe a lone tear out of his eye. Which led to him letting out a very loud yawn, which led to him remarking that wow, he'd just gotten really really tired.

"Then Gussan should... go to bed..." Nagase emphasized the point by poking Tatsuya's chest with an over-exuberant chuckle.

"I think this is a good idea..." He giggled in an entirely unmanly fashion.

And then the two of them were out of their coats and their shoes and their socks, and of course Nagase'd found his way out of his pants as well, which made Tatsuya laugh, and then they were in the bed and Tatsuya was rolling around and around until Nagase grabbed him and they were a mess of arms and legs and half-strewn garments rastling around in the already strewn covers. And when they came to a stop, Tatsuya had his arms around Nagase and was holding him close to his chest with his eyes closed in peaceful rest.

Nagase himself, even with the alcohol, could feel his own heart beating a million beats per second. His face was buried in Tatsuya's shirt. He could smell him. He could smell him everywhere around him. He could feel Tatsuya's arms holding him, keeping him safe, protecting him, comforting him. His own arm was draped around Tatsuya's waist, gently kneading the fabric of the other's shirt.

His mouth was so dry he could barely swallow.

This. This was what he wanted.

He tried to swallow and it got stuck in his throat.

Oh god, this was what he wanted.

But Tatsuya... was he asleep already? He couldn't tell. The chest beneath his face was moving up and down calmly, relaxed, but it had been barely more than a few minutes. There was no way he was actually asleep yet.

What was this for Tatsuya? Was he feeling the same way?

His mind went back to the night before.

The two of you finally get in bed together, things get heated, he takes off his pants expecting a friendly blow-job... and then you tell him to shove it? I'm not thinking that'll go over well.

Well, they were in bed together. But the other's pants were still on.

And yet. Maybe he was waiting for him? Maybe he was waiting for Nagase to make the first move.

What they'd done up to now, well, it could be taken either way, really. It didn't necessitate anything sexual. Any attraction. But Nagase wanted him to know that that's how he felt. That's what he wanted.

So very, very bad.

He tried to swallow again, barely getting the saliva down his throat. Tatsuya was still breathing calmly beneath him.

He had to do something. He couldn't just leave it like this. What if both of them woke up tomorrow morning like none of this had ever happened and he was back to ground zero again. He might never have an opportunity like this again to let Tatsuya know how he felt. He had to do something.

He took a deep breath.

He was Nagase.

God of sex and romance.

He could do this.

He moved his hands from Tatsuya's waist to his chest, focusing down on the pattern of his shirt as his fingers kneaded a fold of the fabric.

And then he started moving downwards. He slid down along the sheets of the bed, pushing his face into Tatsuya's stomach as he went and running it downwards, down towards where the hem of his pants started.

Tatsuya shifted beneath him, not doing anything for a moment, and then one of his arms lifted up so he could look down in confusion at the other man's actions.

"...Nagase... what are you doing?" It was said with a little amusement in his voice. Like Nagase was telling him a funny joke.

But Nagase didn't answer. His hands were on the front of his pants now, fingers scraping past the folds in the denim, finding the clasp that held them closed. His heart was beating so loud he could barely hear. It wasn't really registering in his head what he was doing right now, like he was watching somebody else do all this. Somebody else undoing Tatsuya's pants and pulling the zipper down to reveal the pattern of his boxers underneath.

It wasn't until he started to dip his head inwards that Tatsuya moved. Something in his head clicked, even through the alcoholic daze and the fatigue and the general happy high left over from everything they'd done that night. He moved quickly, desperately, grabbing Nagase's shoulders with more forceful a grip than he'd even intended and pushed the other man away, staring down at him with his eyes wide and scared and his muscles trembling.

"What... are you doing?"

And now Nagase's eyes turned frightened and uncertain as they looked up into Tatsuya's face. "I-I... I thought that... you might want... that we..."

"That we what?" Tatsuya was suddenly not drunk at all anymore.

Nagase felt the embarrassment build, and he knew his face had to be turning red. "After... after tonight, we... I mean, we had a lot of fun, and... I thought that..."

Tatsuya continued to stare down at him fiercely.

"...I-I like you... Gussan..."

Tatsuya's eyes closed and he looked away, almost as if in pain. "Shit..."

Nagase's heart felt like it was falling into his stomach. This was not how this was supposed to be working. What was going on?

"But you... I thought that... I mean, you seemed to... to like me too, I was only..."

Tatsuya didn't say anything for a moment, then finally at least loosened his grip on the other's shoulders, looking back down at him sadly. "Tomoya. Firstly... you're just a kid."

This made anger flare up into Nagase's eyes. "I'm not a kid! I'm eighteen years old! I-"

Tatsuya shushed him with a finger to his mouth. "Tomoya. To me? You're a kid. You'll always be a kid. Tomoya, you're... you're like my little brother. I care about you the same way I care about my own brothers."

Nagase's heart fell even further. Fell into a puddle of muck and slime at the bottom of his chest and made his stomach feel like someone was squeezing it with all their might. "But I love you! I... I wanna be with you. I've fucked lots of girls before, I promise!"

Tatsuya rubbed his face with his hand, clearly uncomfortable. "Tomoya, even thinking about doing something like that with you makes me sick to my stomach. I love you to death, I really do, but... but not like that."

The rising despair in Nagase's gut turned to anger, his eyes narrowing as he grabbed a hold of Tatsuya's shirt. "But you fucked Leader! What, am I just not good enough?"

Tatsuya's eyes widened in surprise. "Wh...what, how do you even know that?"

"I told you, I'm not a kid anymore! I know these things!"

"Shige and I have an entirely different kind of relationship than you and I." He looked away.

Which only made Nagase angrier. "Yeah, one where you fuck!"

"Tomoya." Tatsuya grabbed Nagase's arm again. "Shige and I went through some really rough times together. We practically grew up together during the last part of our teens. It's different. And... and besides, we... " His jaw got tight, eyes looking downwards. "...it was a mistake, anyway. It never should have happened."

"Gussan..." Nagase was desperate now. There were tears welling up in his eyes. His heart felt like someone was stabbing it with a thousand tiny knives. "Gussan, I love you..."

Tatsuya returned the gaze pathetically. "Tomoya, you only think you do. You think you do 'cuz I take care of you and I'm there for you. But... but it's not the same thing..."

"It is! It is the same thing!" Tatsuya wasn't listening to him. Why wasn't he listening to him?

"You're gonna go on and find some pretty little thing who makes your heart get all fluttery and then you'll see. You'll see that it's different." Tatsuya had his hand on his head now and was brushing back the hair out of his face.

"No! I don't want anyone else, I just want you...!" Nagase was legitimately crying now, hands gripping the front of Tatsuya's shirt and trying to pull him closer even while the other man was holding him back.

"I'm sorry, Tomoya, I... I just can't... I'm so sorry..." Tatsuya was biting his lip, trying to keep back his own tears which were threatening to spill out of his eyes. "...I... I should probably go. I need to go."

He started to pull away, to sit up and move towards the end of the bed, but Nagase grappled onto his waist, trying to pull him back. "Don't go, don't go, don't go..."

"Tomoya, let go. I have to go." Tatsuya's hands were to Nagase's grip, working it open.

"Don't go, don't go, don't go..."

He wrenched the other's hands apart, standing up from the bed before Nagase could grab him again. He made his way quickly to the door of the bedroom, looking back to see if Nagase would follow him, but he didn't. He stayed in the middle of the bed, arms still stretched out above his head and face in the sheets as he cried, his shoulders shaking and his throat filled with phlegm.

Tatsuya's eyes furrowed, jaw tight as he forced himself to look away. "I'm sorry..."

Nagase didn't even watch him go. He heard the sound of him collecting his things from the floor, of him finding his shoes in the entryway, and then the sound of the door opening and closing behind him. He continued to cry, to cry bitter, pathetic tears into the sheets beneath him like a fucking baby. He couldn't get himself to stop. It was pointless. They just kept coming and coming, his chest heaving and his throat constricted and painful.

What was wrong with him?

What had he turned into?

He hated himself.

He hated everything.

The sheets were already soaked but still he continued to cry.

 

\--------------

 

Joshima wasn't at all surprised when Nagase knocked on his door at 2:46 in the morning.

And likewise, Nagase wasn't at all surprised that Joshima was still awake at this hour, dressed in nothing but an oversized shirt and his boxers.

"...somebody squished my heart."

He invited him in without a word.

Nagase's eyes were red and strained, his hair a complete mess and even his clothes looking like they'd been haphazardly pulled on in the dark.

Joshima took a puff from his cigarette and closed the door to his apartment behind the other man. Nagase practically fell forward into him, arms around his waist as he pushed his face into the other's shirt.

His shoulders continued to shake as the sobs returned.

Joshima simply looked down at him for a moment, then brought his free hand up to pat the other's head. "...that bad, huh?"

Nagase shook his head. "Worse." He gave an elongated sniff, getting snot all over the front of Joshima's shirt.

Joshima bit his lip. "...come on, champ." Another pat on the head, and then he was leading him back to his bedroom. He pulled Nagase's jacket off of him, placing it on the nearby chair, then brought his cigarette back to his lips and told him to take his pants off himself. Nagase obediently did as he was told, still sniffing as he struggled through undoing the clasp and attempting to step out of them without falling.

Joshima crawled up onto the bed, leaning back against the wall it was propped up against and patted his lap. "Come on."

Giving his pants one final kick, Nagase climbed on after him, crawling over before dropping his head into the other's lap with a defeated slump.

They didn't say anything.

They didn't need to say anything.

Joshima brought his free hand up and gently ran it through Nagase's hair, curling it around his ear and brushing it back off his forehead. He looked over towards the nearby window, looking out at what he could make in the streetlight below as he took a deep drag from his cigarette. When he decided he'd had enough of that one, he smushed the tip into the windowsill and watched it smoulder before grabbing the pack next to it and pulling another one out. A flick of his lighter, one hand curled around the flame as he put it to the new stick in his mouth, and then he was puffing as contentedly as before.

Nagase continued to sniff dejectedly from his lap, every once in a while bringing a hand up to wipe at the snot under his nose.

It was silent for a few minutes, Joshima staring ahead of him at the opposite wall, the clock on the shelf there tick, tick, ticking by with every second that passed, exceedingly loud in the otherwise quiet room. And then he looked up at the ceiling, taking an extra-long drag and watching the smoke billow out in puffs from his lips.

"...I have told Taichi how I feel about him."

Nagase opened his eyes, blinking away the tears that had gathered in the corners. He gave a tiny little hiccup.

He waited, staring down at the pattern in the sheets, for Joshima to finish.

Five minutes later, when Joshima still hadn't spoken up again, he realized he didn't need to.


End file.
